A friend of mine posted a Facebook Meme asking why in the world God would send troubled waters our way- The answer, "Because your enemies can't swim." This hit me square in the heart, because lately we have been wading in deep water and I was beginning to feel like I am the one who cannot swim. (Does that make me my own enemy? )Actually, I have been feeling like I cannot function in a world where I am not in control- NOT IN CONTROL OF *ANYTHING*. Ok, so I know that we were never the ones in control. But I have lived in a state of denial about this for some time. I've had delusions that my schedule was under my control. That if I played it right, my kids would certainly be well behaved and practically perfect in every way.
If I kept up a disciplined program of education, the scholarships would be there, and their futures would be secure. If I raised them in the Faith, they would always keep the faith. That good intentions would be enough to keep my marriage in check. And if we all ate right and exercised, our health would be under control. This list goes on for quite a while. But the truth is, we cannot see the bigger picture. God wants better for my family than I can imagine. Maybe the troubled waters are what we need to live and grow and have our being-- in Him. Kinda stinks sometimes (at least on the surface). And this week was one of those times.
So here is the run down. If you've read my "Cancer Story," you know of my skepticism concerning conventional oncology. It makes no sense to me. Perhaps one day I will be in a different position and change my mind. Fear can have that effect. But today I am all about using Integrative Medicine rather than adopting the traditional cut, burn and poison regime. I do not say this lightly or without due diligence. It is my own informed decision, and it has been working very well for me. So what's a gal to do when a family member makes an informed decision to choose chemo, even after his "willing to think outside the box" MDA oncologist was very open to Integrative Adjuvant Therapy, or trying to apply for a naturopathic clinical trial at John's Hopkins University? Ugh! So hard to shut up and go with it. But he is a grown man (not just my little brother) so I am backing down. His choice was to go with the palliative chemo (rather than a potential cure) and not look back. So it is my plan to accompany him on this journey. I am not loving it, or really embracing it- but I am honoring his decision. (And basically dying inside at the thought of what he will endure).
Meanwhile, my dear mother, took a nasty spill on her bike. Did I mention that she was watching my younger boys while I was at MD Anderson? The fall resulted in a serious ankle injury which required surgery.
Since I was out of pocket, another brother rushed to her aid in the ER. He was in town to help care for his mother-in-law, who is currently being treated for metastatic brain cancer. He is also in severe pain from is own medical issues: bulging disc, torn meniscus, shoulder injury.
Yup. Just keeps getting deeper. So I get that suffering is often the vehicle by which we make it to heaven. And I get the whole deep water thing. Sure, our enemies might not be able to swim, but can we? Seems like we've been treading water for a long time. And yet, our burdens are not nearly as heavy as our neighbors. So. Much. Suffering. My prayer intentions are growing longer by the day.
If I kept up a disciplined program of education, the scholarships would be there, and their futures would be secure. If I raised them in the Faith, they would always keep the faith. That good intentions would be enough to keep my marriage in check. And if we all ate right and exercised, our health would be under control. This list goes on for quite a while. But the truth is, we cannot see the bigger picture. God wants better for my family than I can imagine. Maybe the troubled waters are what we need to live and grow and have our being-- in Him. Kinda stinks sometimes (at least on the surface). And this week was one of those times.
So here is the run down. If you've read my "Cancer Story," you know of my skepticism concerning conventional oncology. It makes no sense to me. Perhaps one day I will be in a different position and change my mind. Fear can have that effect. But today I am all about using Integrative Medicine rather than adopting the traditional cut, burn and poison regime. I do not say this lightly or without due diligence. It is my own informed decision, and it has been working very well for me. So what's a gal to do when a family member makes an informed decision to choose chemo, even after his "willing to think outside the box" MDA oncologist was very open to Integrative Adjuvant Therapy, or trying to apply for a naturopathic clinical trial at John's Hopkins University? Ugh! So hard to shut up and go with it. But he is a grown man (not just my little brother) so I am backing down. His choice was to go with the palliative chemo (rather than a potential cure) and not look back. So it is my plan to accompany him on this journey. I am not loving it, or really embracing it- but I am honoring his decision. (And basically dying inside at the thought of what he will endure).
Meanwhile, my dear mother, took a nasty spill on her bike. Did I mention that she was watching my younger boys while I was at MD Anderson? The fall resulted in a serious ankle injury which required surgery.
Since I was out of pocket, another brother rushed to her aid in the ER. He was in town to help care for his mother-in-law, who is currently being treated for metastatic brain cancer. He is also in severe pain from is own medical issues: bulging disc, torn meniscus, shoulder injury.
Yup. Just keeps getting deeper. So I get that suffering is often the vehicle by which we make it to heaven. And I get the whole deep water thing. Sure, our enemies might not be able to swim, but can we? Seems like we've been treading water for a long time. And yet, our burdens are not nearly as heavy as our neighbors. So. Much. Suffering. My prayer intentions are growing longer by the day.
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